The president will have a news conference today.
The president came into the press room. He was told, by his handlers, to go in with bluster! These were going to be talking points, and “you’re was a war president, with war on your mind”!
“I have some things to discuss today, then we’ll have questions.”
“As you all know, Congress has finally allocated the funds we need to help our troops, and I say finally, because an election us just a year away, and I don’t want a goddamn Democrat standing up here!” the press corps murmured low.
“These courageous troops, Haliburton, Kellogg, Brown & Root, in their valiant battle, in this war on terror, to privatize the oil for my corporate friends, need those funds now! My friends and I fully intend to make as much money as possible while I’m still president! We have a tough fight ahead, and it won’t be easy. We need to help our troops in any way we can.” there was a trigger of stirring in the room.
“We all knew, from the start, that this would be a long, hard battle! Flowers would be thrown at us as we entered a liberated Baghdad? Hey,” the president snickered, “somebody gave me Dick’s talking points!”
“Ah, excuse me,” the president mutters. “We all knew, from the start...I guess I said that didn’t I?” the president anxiously, shuffled down the paper. “Okay, ah, we are going to have to show resolve in this battle plan, we have to stay the course, we have to hunker down, we have to honor the troops’ cervix, and blah, blah, blah.”
“The Congress was slow in giving us these funds. They wanted to set a time line to get the hell out of this mess! Hell, we didn’t know it was going to go badly! What the hell do we know about war? I should a’ took the deal; then I could blame the Democrats!” the president laughed. Some repository giggling came from the journalists. “But things are getting better. Yeah, and I see fairies! And in the end, freedom, democracy, torture, death, and subjugation, will triumph. You know what victory is, don’t cha’?” the president snickered a, forthcoming, joke. “Victory is when ya’ can smell the bodies burning, while the people are learning, that the world is turning! Heh, heh, heh-heh-heh-heh!” the president nearly lost his composure laughing. He gained some control.
“Seriously though, folks, I can see a return to what was great about America! We’ve killed our way, around the world, for corporate. That is my America, and it’s still the beacon of liberty. It is what every human being wants. But they ain’t gonna get it, cause we want it all!”
“Now, I’ll take some questions, okay you, Kelly.”
“Mister president, why do always called them troops instead of soldiers?” The president eye-balled Kelly, with a lustful sneer.
“Because, Kelly, because it will remind people of Viet Nam. Viet Nam may remind people that I was an AWOL-draft dodger! I wasn’t going to let Daddy allow me to go into that shit, baby, no freaking way! Okay you, Brian.”
“Mr President, in a press conference you had in 2004, you said this quote: “Secondly, there are such things as ‘roving wiretaps’. Any time you hear the government talk about wire tap, it requires...a wire tap requires a court order. Nothing has changed, by the way”. Haven’t you broken the law, sir?”
“Good question Brian. You’re a real ass hole! You know, I always hated those pretty-boy looks. Are you a fag? No seriously, we don’t care about the damn laws.” the president elbow-leaned the podium. “We’ll do whatever we feel we need to do to keep America safe from terrorism. It’s not that we care all that much about the people. We have to protect our interests. If the people get in the way, hey, we’ll screw them good, throw ‘em in prison, send them to Gitmo! How’s that sound? Okay next, you Geoff!”
“Mr President, you once said that if Iraq asked us to leave, we’d leave! Since 70% of its people now want us to leave, and its legislature is drafting a bill to force us to leave, will you leave Iraq?”
“Ah Geoff, you little Ivy league educated, eastern establishment, liberal, prick, who the hell cares what the Iraqi people think! We got rid of Saddam for them. The bastard was going to convert from dollars, to Euros. Hey, we can’t have that. We have to put the right people in place! If they aren’t the right people, hey, Iraq is a dangerous place. They might be killed! We’ll leave when we damn well please, and that oil is in our death grip! Okay, let’s see, you there, ah Bob is it?”
“Mr President, you’ve made some pretty damning revelations here today. What you are saying here is that this is really all about oil, and not liberation. Is that true? Have these 3,000-plus soldiers died for corporate, and oil?”
“Sure it’s about corporate and oil! Are you people stupid? I, personally, can’t believe the people swallowed that WMD stuff, democracy crap, and liberation of the Iraqi people from Saddam bull shit! Man, we sold you guys a whole laundry list of horse shit, didn’t we? Hey, it was pretty neat the way everybody swallowed that! And Bob, you can bet, we’re gonna get you for that! Next okay Larry, you!”
“Mr President, have you lost your oil-soaked, corporate-loving, mind?”
“Good question Larry, and we’ll get you for that too. I really haven’t thought about that but, yeah, you might be right. Dick, Don, Condy, and I go back a long way back. We always thought if we got to the top, we could really put the screws to the people. The people don’t know shit you know. They sit there in their recliners and watch “American Idol” and think we only care about them. Jesus, what a hoot! We’ve gotten so much cash out of this, we can retire in lavish comfort, 2009. We’ll be like the Saudi royal family. I’ve got some land down in Texas I’m lookin’ at. Dick, he’ll own Wyoming. Condy says she’s headin’ for the Bahamas, you know, to be with her own kind. Don, he’ll probably squander his fortune on the damn stock market. Shit I wouldn’t go near that son of a bitch! The way we fucked it up, that thing is goin’ busted! But we’ll all be all right. Hey, thanks for askin’! Listen, thanks for comin’ and remember what victory is!”
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